CONFLICT GLOBAL TERROR: JUNGLE PRISON
Death and taxes, but we mostly get death.
Featuring: Angus as Foley and Gypsy 6 as Jones.
My name is Jones. I'm a demolition expert in a super-elite... soldier, thingy. My partner Foley and I are fighting our way out of a Spanish prison (or is it Brazilian?)
Attempt 1:
We're in a garage. Foley is upstairs scoring headshot after headshot while I cover the garage door. Enemies are trying to come in and get Foley, but they can't get past me. I pile up 5 or 6 baddies by the time Foley runs out of targets and comes downstairs. Now we must shoot our way across the prison compound. We're fighting a bunch of troops when we hear something. Something loud. Something clanking. It's a tank. Foley pokes his head around a corner to see where it is. His head never comes back. I crawl forward to heal him, and the tank runs me over, crushing me like a bug. Mission failed.
Shoulder-to-shoulder bullet-blasting action.
Repeat up to the tank. We clear out the tank's supporting troops and wait for the tank to go clanking past. It goes around the other side of a small building. Foley and I break cover. Foley runs into a nearby hut to grab some ammo while I set up an Anti-Tank mine. Foley comes running back to me, his arms full of grenades, guns, and ammo. I barely have time to say "Look out for the - " when he steps on the mine, blowing us both to kingdom come. Mission failed.
Attempt 3:
Repeat up to the tank. We kill the troopers and use the Anti-Tank mine to blow up the tank (instead of ourselves). We ease our way down a long path until we come under sniper fire. Foley goes down, but I see the sniper. Being a demolitions guy, I'm highly skilled in the subtle arts of killing. So I haul out my RPG and blast the sniper completely out of his tower. Then I heal Foley. We sneak our way into a cave, encountering two enemies on the way. Foley uses a silenced pistol and scores two head shots. This is why he's the sniper. We come out of the caves, round a corner and are instantly pinned down by heavy machine-gun fire. We're also being assaulted by regular troopers. Foley is trying to get a shot at the machine-gunner while I'm taking care of the ground troops. He goes down. I crawl over and heal him. We try to move up, but we don't use any tactics. I go down. Foley crawls over to me and heals me. A minute later he goes down. I'm on my way to him when I get ambushed by three enemy troops. Mission failed.
Attempt 4:
Repeat >> upstairs, troops, tank, sniper, cave, machine-gun nest. This time we decide to throw some smoke grenades before we assault the machine-gun nest. But we don't coordinate timing or placement, so the smoke isn't concentrated enough to provide real cover. I manage to get up fairly close, hiding behind some logs. I think I'm in cover from the MG nest, but apparently I'm not. I go down. Foley somehow gets to me and revives me. I decide to throw some frags, I mean why not, nothing else is working. Only now do I discover I have an arm like Peyton Manning. The MG nest is about 30 yards away. My grenade flies at least 100 yards past it. It's like having a grenade launcher for an arm. I try again and get lucky. The grenade flies into the nest and blows up the machine-gunner. Foley and I jump into the now-unoccipied MG nest and get our bearings. We're only a third of the way to our objective. At this rate, we'll need 13 attempts to finish this one mission. Sure enough, a couple minutes later we both get wiped out by a wave of attacking infantry and a second MG nest. Mission Failed.
Attempt 5: Repeat >>.... The first MG nest gets us again. We're getting worse.
Here's the entire four-man team, but we're trying it with only two. Predictably, we're getting our butts kicked.
Attempt 7: Repeat >>.... The first MG nest gets us again.
Attempt 8: Repeat >>..... We get all the way up to the roadblock. I stand away from the C4 and destroy the roadblock. As the tank rolls forward to get us I pull out my RPG. As the tank comes into my sights I let fly, and again blow myself into little Jones-chunklets because the rocket hits a small tree only a few feet away from my face. Foley, bless his heart, is trying to revive me when the tank again blows him to smithereens. Mission Failed.
Attempt 9: Repeat >>...... Roadblock. C4. Boom. This time I immediately set another C4 charge in the road and run back to the MG nest with Foley. The tank comes around the corner, and I click the detonator. The tank and it's supporting troops vanish in a cloud of fire and dust. Instant junkyard. Foley and I move past the burning tank and move up the road. There's no cover, so we're low-crawling the whole way. Foley is shooting enemies' brains out while I try not to get hung up on branches and rocks. We come to a two-story building that's oozing bad guys. Foley and I pile up 15 or 20 bad guys before we run out of ammo and get wiped out. Mission Failed.
Attempt 10: Repeat >>.... Two-story building. Foley and I throw a double helping of smoke grenades and assault the building. We take a lot of damage, but we inflict much more. We take the building and health up. We're close, we just need to fight our way through a tunnel and we'll be at our objective. The tunnel is easy, the objective is not. Lots of bad guys. Foley and I fill the air with frag grenades, willy-pete grenades, smoke grenades, rifle fire, curses, and blood. We take the objective area. Then we hear something. We can't tell what it is until something blots out the sun. It's a helicopter. A huge, armored helicopter, bristling with rocket-pods and machine-guns. We're out of RPG ammo. In fact, we're out of rifle ammo too. All we've got are pistols and foul language. We last for approximately 8 seconds. Mission Failed.
Attempt 11: Coming soon.
--------------------------
If this sounds frustrating, it kind of is. But it's still surprisingly fun. Something about the comaraderie of playing this with Angus makes it very entertaining. We really suck at it. Attempts 4 and onward were on "Easy". Also, the above description is ABBREVIATED. There's actually another MG nest in this mission I've just skipped over.
What we really need is more guys. This game can do up to four player co-op over Live. Each of us would have a distict (but overlapping) role. In addition to Foley and Jones there's Connors (heavy-weapons guy) and Bradley (team leader, scout). It's hard to "get tactical" with only two guys.
No comments:
Post a Comment