Two Worlds: full review

Okayest Game Of The Year. Worth: $15
based on 360 retail

$60? No way. $15? Sure thing.

You know how the original Star Wars movie transcended its genre? Meaning, that even people who don't sci-fi liked Star Wars. Two Worlds is so poorly designed and developed that the only thing it transcends is my ability to believe that a major game with such crappy craftsmanship ever got released.

And yet, its still fun.

Make it your own
I'm 13 hours into my first character and I have to say that despite a bad camera, terrible framerate, ugly artwork, corny dialogue, and hard-to-follow quests I'm having a good time with this game. I play it with the sound completely off and listen to music on my iPod. When I get lost on a confusing quest, I look it up on a walkthrough. This is not a game I'm going to devote months to (unlike Oblivion, Morrowind, and Fallout 3). I'll play through the story, check out the different magics, upgrade my weapons, level up my character, and then get the hell out. This game is also benefitting from the fact that there aren't any other games out there for me right now.

You had me at hello
There are lots of cool things in this game that I hope other developers pick up for future releases. You can pay an in-game character to help you rearrange your skill points. You can carry three portable teleporters. I dropped one teleporter next to my favorite merchant. When I get full of loot, I drop a second teleporter, then zap to my merchant. I unload my loot, zap back to the second teleporter, pick that teleporter up, and continue adventuring. You can fight and cast spells from horseback. Your horse can carry a huge amount of loot for you. You can add damage crystals to weapons, and then keep on adding them to that same weapon (1,000+ fire DMG anyone?). There are tons of things to spend money on, so you don't hit that wall where you've got a lot of dough but nothing to spend it on. Because you can upgrade your weapons and armor with same-name items, there's always something to look for at the merchants. Even if you're wearing great gear, it can always get better. Even the Alchemy is well-conceived, once you get the hang of it. My favorite things to make so far are potions that permanently(!) upgrade my character. I've never seen that before.

But you lost me after that
My impression is that everything about this game that was done on a whiteboard was envisioned by a team of creative and talented professionals. Those planning meetings were so good that this game survives the shamelessly shoddy hack job it received after the initial planning was done.

If you really like Role-Playing games (like me), Two Worlds is worth playing. Everyone else should just wait for the next release from Bethesda.